Spiritual Direction: God, the Directee and the Director

The Role and Qualities of the Director
Part 1 of a 3 part series
Written by Brother David

In an earlier article on spiritual direction [New Skete newsletter #13, Spring 2009] I spoke about spiritual direction as the telling of the story of one’s relationship with God to the director, who “consciously shapes the story being presented through questions or by connecting it with other events in the directee’s life and re-presents it (in the literal sense of gives it back) to the teller in a way that reframes the story to reveal more of who this God is in the directee’s life.”  As we change and grow so does our story deepen, revealing to us more of who we are and who this God is in our lives.

 

I also noted the difference between therapy and spiritual direction and getting advice and spiritual direction.  In both therapy and seeking advice (whether in the form of talking things over informally with a friend or dealing with a situation in more formal pastoral counseling situation as such, spiritual direction,) the aim is to solve a problem or bring an issue to resolution, whereas the purpose of spiritual direction is to facilitate a deepening sense of and relationship with God in the directee’s life.  As such spiritual direction really does not have an end-point.

 

It is important to note that therapy can be an ongoing process over many years, if not throughout the life of an individual, but the aim is ultimately about the surfacing and resolution of intra-personal pathological issues.  It is also important to note that many therapeutic issues come up in spiritual direction because our psychological well being or lack thereof has direct bearing on our spiritual life: e.g. because our early concepts of God are intimately tied up with our experience of our parents, a person coming out of an abusive household can have a difficult time moving to a conception of God as loving and caring – as a result it may be important to bring those issues into the spiritual direction session.

 

There are always three people involved in any spiritual direction relationship: God, the directee and the director.  I’d like to focus on the role and qualities of the director here.  In one sense the word “director” is misleading – I rarely definitively tell anyone what to do, although I often make suggestions as to what a person might do.  Many people in this role use the word “companion,” which can be equally misleading: the office of the director is much more than simply to accompany the other on his/her journey into God.   Implicit in the spiritual direction relationship is that the director is ceded authority to question and challenge the directee.  (As I usually say to a new person starting out with me in spiritual direction: You show me your garden and allow me to make suggestions about it.  I may point out that that pretty plant with the shiny leaves is poison ivy and that it would be a good idea to root it out.  And you might say that you really like it there in the garden, at which point I might suggest at least putting a fence around it.)  Whatever term we might use for the office, there are certain qualities which one hopes to find in the person.  Some of these are objective things you can ask about, but others are intangible and are only revealed in the working out of the relationship.

 

On the objective side, the director should have had some formal training in direction.  My training was at the hands of Sr Margaret Picha SSND and Br Michael Laratonda FMS, both of whom had worked in the formation of spiritual directors before.  Training is what allows the gifts of the director in training to be tested and developed in a systematic way.  I was trained in the Ignatian method of direction (based on the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola) but was encouraged also to develop aspects that come out of the Eastern Christian monastic tradition.  Training subjects included topics on discernment around psychological issues, forms of prayer, styles of listening, examinations of one’s own preconceptions, theological issues, and classic texts on spirituality.  It is through training that the director comes to understand her/his limitations and competencies: no director can work with every person, and it is important that s/he understand that.  For example, working with people who have experienced significant emotional trauma demands certain qualities and understanding which not everyone possesses.  On the other hand, through training one can be available to a wider range of people. 

 

If possible, the director should be under supervision.  This means that the director should be meeting on a regular basis with other directors to talk about issues that come up in direction with their clients.  These sessions tend to focus more on the issues of the director than those of the directee, although a given director may bring up a case to solicit advice on how to proceed.  (Implicit in any such session is that the anonymity of the client be maintained.)  This is essentially a form of continuing education for the director as well as a support group.

 

The director should be in direction her/himself.  Spiritual growth is not a do-it-yourself affair – that is why spiritual direction is so important.  If the director is not engaged in his/her own spiritual work, it is difficult if not impossible to facilitate that growth in others. 

 

The more intangible qualities are those that come to the fore in the course of the director/directee relationship.  Rather than discuss these in the abstract, I think that examples from my experience with my own director would better illustrate them.

 

The first quality needed is love.  If the most important role of the director is to mediate the presence of this loving God for the directee, then it is the love of the director for the directee that allows the directee to perceive this God of love.  Carl Rogers, the eminent psychologist, once said that the therapist who does not love his/her client cannot be effective; if this is so in a therapeutic setting, how much more so in a spiritual direction setting.  When I go to my director, Sr Francis, I know that she cares about me.  I go into the room with her, and there is a sense of personal connection that has grown over time, so that I feel safe talking about anything in my life, past or present.  As in any life, there are things that I’m not proud of, and seeing myself in my sin can be scary and demoralizing, but I know that I can reveal myself there and receive support and encouragement.  It is love that creates that sense of safety and security. 

 

The second quality is discernment/insight.  As our relationship has grown and as I have revealed more of myself to Sr Francis over time, she has been able to see into and through me in important – and sometimes uncomfortable – ways.  There are times when I can be talking about something that has me agitated, angry, sad – something that is disturbing my inner-peace and because of which I can feel that I am far from God but which I cannot grasp.  Sr Francis can often zero in on the underlying cause and lead me to a better understanding of the issue and how it impacts my interior life.  In some important ways she knows me better than I know myself.  It is because of this quality that directors are often referred to in the literature as “doctors of the soul” (the original meaning of “psychiatrist”).

 

If discernment and insight are important for “diagnosing” the spiritual ill, then patience is absolutely necessary for implementing the treatment.  I’ve come to understand that I’m not the brightest light on the Christmas tree, and I know this because I keep coming back to Sr Francis with the same or similar issues over and over again.  She settles back, sometimes sighs and smiles and will say something like, “Hmmm, sounds like our old friend.”  Not, “What were you thinking!?” or “What, this again!?”  Rather, she understands that I have not yet seen what is going on.  So we go back and try to find another way into the issue.  Sometimes I feel like a failure because I’ve fallen into the same pattern again, and she consoles me and reminds me that Christ is always waiting and that he will never give up on me.  I know this is true because she has not given up on me.

 

As I noted above, not every director is good for every potential directee.  As you enter into spiritual direction, as you explore this relationship through which to better your relationship with God, recognize this fact.  On the one hand, not getting along with your director may be a sign that things are going well – challenge can be hard; on the other, you may find over time that this is not a good fit.  If you think this is so, talk to your director and raise your concerns.  (It may even happen that your director will perceive this first and bring it up to you.)  If your director has love, discernment, insight and patience s/he will be able to work with you to help resolve the issue even if that means recommending a different director.  Ultimately spiritual direction is about your relationship with God; the director is only a facilitator in that conversation.