Grieving and Death

 

By Sister Cecelia

The projected death toll at the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic prompted me to read some books about death: A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis and The Liturgy of Death by Father Alexander Schmemann.

When someone we love and live closely with passes on, there will always be a time of grieving. It might even take a while before we can take in the loss, but the sadness will come. It is frequently hard to imagine that we won’t always feel this way. If our loved one has been suffering a lot, it is good that the suffering is over and the loved one has reached the unending happiness of being with God.  It helps us on one level to believe in the life of happiness promised us with our infinitely good God, but it is still very painful for us who remain in this life to carry on. And it takes time. That is what I gleaned from Lewis’s book.

          Father Schmemann’s expressed hope was that we could understand how our attitudes have changed through the centuries so that we might go back to learn from the early church and cultivate what he considered a much healthier attitude toward death. What he gleaned from studying the services for the death and burial of the early Christians was that joy and gladness were expressed at the death of the loved ones, precisely because they were now joined to their God in heaven. All of Psalm 118 was sung (or read): Blessed (or Happy) are they who walk in the way of the Lord.

          Around the turn of the 13th century, the culture changed, so that we were more taken up by the sinfulness of humankind. Greater emphasis was then given to how miserable we are. Much of the hymnody became filled with doom and gloom. Hopefulness in the goodness of God, in God’s understanding of our human frailty, seems the better attitude to have at this time.  It is true that we experience pain at the loss of our loved ones. As Father Schmemann put it: “Death remains a tragedy, but it also remains a victory. …death must be understood as a victory that needs to be won all the time. … Christ does not abolish suffering as suffering. He gives it new meaning. He says: ‘If you suffer, you suffer with me, because I have suffered with you.’”

Now we pray with the departed. Communication with those who have gone before us is now possible at any time of day or night. We don’t need the internet or phones.   

This book by Father Schmemann was published in 2016. Would those who are responsible for conducting services for the dead benefit from reading these thoughts? They have changed my attitude toward what I would like to have for myself. What about you?